all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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