is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
