Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
