For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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