I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
