Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
