I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
