i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
bring money and cleavage
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
This is the high leading the old right now
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love