I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?