Texts From Last Night

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  (210): View more from Texas

  Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.

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  (210): Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly. http://tfl.nu/2xxy
  Replies (19) Good night (1851) Bad night (722) Order T-Shirt
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window

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  (602): Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window http://tfl.nu/pu84
  Replies (23) Good night (542) Bad night (2219) Order T-Shirt
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."

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  (720): Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open." http://tfl.nu/m5a9
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one

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  (405): so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one http://tfl.nu/mfz0
  Replies (46) Good night (809) Bad night (4889)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important

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  (630): I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important http://tfl.nu/7wts
  Replies (36) Good night (17582) Bad night (811) Order T-Shirt
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.

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  (801): Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon. http://tfl.nu/ouiw
  Replies (14) Good night (942) Bad night (5317) Order T-Shirt
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.

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  (517): I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed. http://tfl.nu/94v6
  Replies (10) Good night (5568) Bad night (858) Order T-Shirt
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.

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  (779): Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge. http://tfl.nu/lg3i
  Replies (6) Good night (1092) Bad night (1444) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.

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  (404): Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining. http://tfl.nu/2wxu
  Replies (7) Good night (3639) Bad night (429) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer

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  (724): you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer http://tfl.nu/1l7a
  Replies (4) Good night (1976) Bad night (370)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.

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  (864): Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some. http://tfl.nu/bkik
  Replies (27) Good night (3226) Bad night (753) Order T-Shirt
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death

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  (262): You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death http://tfl.nu/q3md
  Replies (4) Good night (901) Bad night (582) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you

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  (219): You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you http://tfl.nu/zonx
  Replies (8) Good night (1100) Bad night (334) Order T-Shirt
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  (530): View more from California

  Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.

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  (530): Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important. http://tfl.nu/xc0u
  Replies (7) Good night (1485) Bad night (263) Order T-Shirt
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  (985): View more from Louisiana

  No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.

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  (985): No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did. http://tfl.nu/hp4k
  Replies (3) Good night (483) Bad night (136)

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