I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
