I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
