My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
