First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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