Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
