i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't deserve a penis
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
