If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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