is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
