The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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