Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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