It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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