i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
