i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
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the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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