i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
