He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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