shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
