I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
