and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
