Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Randomize
