Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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