I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
