Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
