I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
