I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
