I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
