Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
