I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
