My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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