I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
