we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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