: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
