ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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