His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
