If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
