As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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