I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
