My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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