i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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