You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
