but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
All I want is dick and wine.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
