I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize