im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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