oh god the rape fog is back!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
