ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
