I am in a vortex of obligation.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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