"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
