My hand turned me down
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
