I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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