I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
