dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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