I never want to see another naked old woman again.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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