I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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