you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
