You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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