I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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