it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
