i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize