If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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