they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
