Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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