So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
