so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
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If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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