3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
