i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
So vagazzling was a success
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
