Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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